The battle

 

I want to go to the gym I want to go outside

Oh wait the deadline for the essay comes up my mind 

Thousands of thoughts swirling in my head 

Yet I still can’t make it out of my bed 

Day 1,2,3,4, pass me not having moved once 

The only thing which is moving is my pulse 

I feel at my lowest point and I stand alone 

All of a sudden the so called ‘I am always there for you’ friends are gone 

So antidepressants are my new friends 

I hope this pill will set an end 

Set an end to this feeling of anxiety and depression 

Why,what,how are the real questions

I trust a few people and I tell them about my condition 

At least I can proudly say that was the right decision 

Since they know they have been given me nothing but support

I know it takes a lot of courage to open up to people about your mental state

Besides god,having a caring environment can feed your faith 

It can feed it to a level where you can make it out of this state

and proudly enter the recovery gate

Instead of giving up and leaving this earth willingly

you can fight your way out of this misery

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Father’s Day

Father’s day Oh Father’s day

You were taken too soon from me away

You were a kindhearted,loving,and selfless father

And it breaks my heart that I have to pretend this day leaves be unbothered

The breakage of the father daughter bond left so many scares behind and I still carry them with me by my side

I know u didn’t choose to leave me behind

I guess god had other plans for you in his mind

However I am grateful for the 9 years where I experienced  the love of a father yet it is unfortunate that it didn’t last longer

At the end the most valuable gift I can have for this day is to have unconditional  love for you and flash backs of memories with the hope to carry all the valuable traits of you with me. 

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PRIDE: A poem dedicated and inspired by 2 close friends of mine

The fear of not being accepted by my loved ones makes me have this secret

I can feel the guilt and embarrassment crippling up my spine

If god is real I would like to ask him why, why me?

Why do i have to fight this battle of judgement and why can’t I say this with pride:

My feelings are unique and can be applied to both male and female

Feeling this way is not linked with me having committed a crime

I still am who I am nothing has changed

Well one thing maybe I feel like escaping from a cage

A cage filled with secrets,denial and guilt

Even tough escaping from it I still don’t feel internally free I have to think how others will look at me

With pride, joy and support or with disappointment and discomfort

However in this life you only live once so I shall just stand up for myself

It is easier said than done if I say I don’t care but at the end if your own loved ones are        against it would u still not care?

The only message to be taken from this is whatever your loved ones decide support or not you can be proud of your uniqueness and show it with pride.